Bedazzled (1967)

Stanley Moon - short-order chef at the Wimpy Bar, caucasian, 28, male - has a burning love for waitress Margaret Spencer, but lacks the courage to tell her.

In his desperation, he tries unsuccessfully to hang himself ("the bleedin' pipe broke"), whereupon he is visited by the Devil in the guise of George Spiggott, proprietor of the striptease Renderzvous Club.

On proving himself to be the Devil by borrowing sixpence to buy a Frobisher & Gleason Raspberry Flavoured Ice Lolly, George grants seven wishes in return for Stanley's soul.

Stanley must be careful what he wishes for .....

[ Phespirit enjoys: Cook and Moore unleashed in their only film triumph. Cook can't act for toffee, but his mere presence, revelling in his self-penned identity as mischief-making devil and strip-club owner, makes this a treat. Moore is perfect, if somewhat under-challenged, as the small man. ]

Players

Peter Cook - George Spiggott (The Devil);
Dudley Moore - Stanley Moon;
Eleanor Bron - Margaret Spencer;
Raquel Welch - Lilian Lust;
Barry Humphries - Envy;

Quotes

STANLEY MOON:: Dear God,
There's something I want to ask you. 'Course, you know what it is 'cause you know everything that's going to happen before it happens, so there's really no need to ask you, but I thought I'd ask you in any case. Now, you know that I believe in you, but I was wondering if you could give me just a little sign. I mean, I'm not saying that if you don't give me the sign that I won't believe in you - I'm not threatening you or anything like that - but, please, please give me enough courage to speak to Margaret Spencer and get to know her .....

GEORGE SPIGGOTT (THE DEVIL):: Your great-great-great-grandfather, Ephrain Moon, sailed for Australia in 1782 on a ship of the Line. Set himself up as an apothecary. The business flourished and by the time he died it was worth something in the region of two thousand pounds - a large amount in those days.
STANLEY MOON:: Yes.
GEORGE SPIGGOTT (THE DEVIL):: Your great-great-grandfather, Cedric Moon, by skilful management and careful husbandry, increased that sum a hundredfold. This in turn was inherited by your great-grandfather, Desmond Moon, who expanded, diversified and built up a personal fortune of well over a million pounds.
STANLEY MOON:: That's a lot of money.
GEORGE SPIGGOTT (THE DEVIL):: A great deal of money, Mr Moon, and this gigantic sum was inherited by your grandfather, Hubert Moon, who returned to London and frittered it away on wine, women and loose living.
STANLEY MOON:: Er ..... where does that leave me, then?
GEORGE SPIGGOTT (THE DEVIL):: Penniless and on the brink of suicide! (sniggers)

GEORGE SPIGGOTT (THE DEVIL):: You'd like to be the sort of person who can use words like 'inarticulate'?

GEORGE SPIGGOTT (THE DEVIL):: In the words of Marcel Proust - and this applies to any woman in the world - if you can stay up and listen with a fair degree of attention to whatever garbage, no matter how stupid it is, that they're coming out with, 'til ten minutes past four in the morning ..... you're in!

GEORGE SPIGGOTT (THE DEVIL):: Good afternoon, Madam, we're the Frooney Green Eyewash Men. Have you by any chance got ten bottles of Frooney Green eyewash in your house?
MRS WISBY:: Oh no, I'm afraid I haven't!
GEORGE SPIGGOTT (THE DEVIL):: Oh, what a pity! 'Cause if you had and could answer a simple question, you'd have won a beautiful silver tea service and a night on the town with Alfred Hitchcock.

Song

[ Sung by Peter Cook {as 'Drimbl Wedge & the Vegetation'}; Written by Peter Cook & Dudley Moore ]

Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, I'm bedazzled
I don't care
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, I'm bedazzled
So you said
You knock me out
I don't want you
You bust me up
I don't need you
You burn me up
I don't love you
You plug me in
Leave me alone
You switch me on
I'm self-contained
You light me up
Just go away
I'm bedazzled, I'm bedazzled, I'm be-dazzled!

You glimmer
I'm fickle
You glitter
I'm cold
You shimmer
I'm shallow
You drive me wi-i-ild, you drive me wild!
You fill me with inertia

You knock me out
Don't get excited
You bust me up
Save your breath
You burn me up
Cool it
You plug me in
I'm not interested
You switch me on
It's too much effort
You light me up
Don't you ever leave off?
I'm bedazzled, I'm bedazzled, I'm be-dazzled!

I'm not available