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Derek & Clive -
"T.V."

[ from the album "Ad Nauseam" (1978) ]

CLIVE:
D'you know, I'll tell you something which really annoys me .....
DEREK:
Yes, tell me.
CLIVE:
..... of which nobody tells the fucking truth about .....
DEREK:
Mmm, ye-e-ess, mmmm.
CLIVE:
..... and that's how much television affects people. I mean, peop-, kids, you know, elderly people, all that sort of type, they watch television and they get very influenced by it.
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
And I speak from personal, you know, personal knowledge.
DEREK:
(belches out:) RIGHT YOU DO!
CLIVE:
I-, I was watching that 'Holocaust' thing, you know, where-, that story about, er, .....
DEREK:
(sniggers)
CLIVE:
..... about Hitler and Him-
DEREK:
Yeah, what a cunt he was!
CLIVE:
Well, he-, yeah .....
DEREK:
Ohhhhh, I didn't want to know, he's a cunt!
CLIVE:
He's horrible.
DEREK:
Yeah, fuckin'-, fucking .....
CLIVE:
And he, you know, he formed this dislike of-, for some reason, probably psychological, for, er, the Jews.
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
And the story was on Holocaust how, er, you know, they all got wiped out and, er, .....
DEREK:
Mm.
CLIVE:
..... put in gas ovens and stuff like that. And I was very influenced by that 'cause, er, Michael Moriaty was very good as that, er, Nazi.
DEREK:
Mmm.
CLIVE:
And, as soon as I switched off the third episode I, er, got on, er, got on a number 18 .....
DEREK:
Mmm.
CLIVE:
..... and got up to Golders Green and I must have-, I must have slaughtered about eighteen thousand before I realised, you know, what I was doing .....
DEREK:
Mmm.
CLIVE:
..... I thought, 'the fucking television has driven me to this'.
DEREK:
Yeah, mmm.
CLIVE:
Same thing happened with, er, you remember 'Andy Pandy'?
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
He used to come on. As soon as that was on I used to get in a glove. I used to jump in a glove and rush down the road and, you know, the power it has over people.
DEREK:
Mmm.