Derek & Clive -
[ from the album "Ad Nauseam" (1978) ]
You'll never compete with Bruce Forsyth on a Saturday evening because .....
(in silly Bruce Forsyth voice:)
He's really chummy! Isn't he really chummy?! Really, isn't he?! I'n' 'e nice! I'n' 'e!! Come on, enjoy yourself! (laughing) Come on, Dudley, ha-a-a-a-a!!
Got Dudley on the show, let's have a tune (random plonking on piano) Ah-ha-ha-ha!! Have a tune, come on!! Ha ha!! Have a tune!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!
CUT IT - THIS CUNT WON'T WORK, GET ANOTHER IN.
Never mind! Anthea! Anthea!! Hello, love! Anthea, come over here, will you, ye-hes!!
(sings and plonks piano:) #Oh, I can't sing and I can't dance 'n' anything else as well!
Ah ha-ha ha ha-ha!
Never mind, have some cunt from the audience - Hello! Cunt-from-the-audience, here, come in, make a fool of yourself.
(plonks piano:) #Deh de-deh-deh .....
Edit it together, run it - I'm pissing off home, thank you.