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Derek & Clive -
"Politics"

[ from the album "Ad Nauseam" (1978) ]

CLIVE:
I'll tell you what the, er, Cons-servative Party should do in the, er, next general election.
DEREK:
Yeah, go on then.
CLIVE:
I'll tell you what would, er, really get the electorate going, if, is that, er, that Maggie Thatcher just flashed her tits about.
DEREK:
(chuckles)
CLIVE:
No, don't laugh, 'cause, I mean, frankly they're-, they're firm, they're hard and they're-, they're fucking beautiful.
DEREK:
Hm.
CLIVE:
I've never seen them but you can see from the, er, .....
DEREK:
(clears throat)
CLIVE:
..... you know, from the pictures in the papers and that are on television .....
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
..... she's got a lovely-, lovely pair of tits, and if she just flashed her tits, erm, ..... or, you know, if-, if she even gave a, y'know, just a brief tasteful glimpse of her vag, you know, .....
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
..... it would get, er, a lot of the horny voters in, you know. Well, you can say the same for Jim Callaghan 'cause he's got, er, he's got huge tits, hasn't he? What would you do for the Liberals?
DEREK:
Nothing.
CLIVE:
I think it would be nice if the Liberals went round with, er, you know, flowers up their arseholes.
DEREK:
Yeah?
CLIVE:
And, er, .....
DEREK:
That's nice. 's a good idea, that.
CLIVE:
..... got back to the sixties when they had a lot of seats, you know. And there'd be this subliminal connotation between flowers up their arseholes and, er, a lot of seats. And people would identify with that, I think.
DEREK:
Mmm.
CLIVE:
I mean, if I th's-I-, if I saw Clement Freud with, er, a posie up his arse .....
DEREK:
Well, you'd vote, wouldn't you?
CLIVE:
I'd vote for him .....
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
..... and all he stood for.