Derek & Clive -
"Young Dudley Moore Performs "Jump""

[ from the album "Come Again" (1977) ]

CLIVE:

Oh! It's young Dudley Moore .....

DEREK:

That's right.

CLIVE:

The famous comedian, he's going to tell us a few jokes, come on Dudley, .....

DEREK:

Yes

CLIVE:

..... tell us one of your best.

DEREK:

Ah yes, well apparently, appare-, apparently, this, this, this person came into the shop, you see, and he said, er, "Hey," he said, "What you got ther-, what you got in the corner there?" He says, "What? What have I got in the corner there?" I says, I-, he says, "I've got a bottle of peanuts", you see .....

CLIVE:

Not going very well .....

DEREK:

Oof, fuckin' ..... cunt!

DEREK:

(plays piano and sings:)

#As I was walking down the street one day
I saw a house on fire
There was man, standing at an upper-storey window
Shouting and screaming at the crowd that was gathered there below
For he was sore afraid

#Jump! You fucker, jump!
Jump into this here blanket what we are holding
And you will be all right
He jumped, hit the deck, broke his fucking neck -
There was no blanket

#Laugh?! We nearly shat!
We had not laughed so much since Grandma died
Or Auntie Mabel caught her left tit in the mangle
We are miserable sinners
Fi-i-ilthy fuckers

#Ahhhrrrr-soles