Rating
|
Club | Notes |
|---|---|---|
  |
Accrington Stanley | Old timers, not to be mistaken for league founders Accrington FC. |
|
Aldershot Town | Unprecedented recovery from the depths of non-league oblivion. |
 |
Arsenal | Unwatchable whingeing, diving, long-ball donkeys; lately French. |
|
Aston Villa | Utterly deluded with notions of significance but rarely interesting. |
|
Barnet | Ex-Flashman and Fry cabaret club; second stab at league status. |
|
Barnsley | Gambled and lost; team of choice for stereotypical Yorkshiremen. |
|
Birmingham City | Midlands magnet for their worst hooligan dregs; repeat offenders. |
|
Blackburn Rovers | Big games in a morgue-like ground; recent policy of hiring scum. |
|
Blackpool | Mortensen and Matthews; ramshackle glory for all nostalgia fans. |
|
Bolton Wanderers | Established in the Premiership as drab troublers that no-one likes. |
|
Bournemouth | Some good football, good cup results, and a genuine set of fans. |
|
Bradford City | Laughably over-ambitious at the first whiff of success; a sad past. |
|
Brentford | Deserve credit for community work; otherwise shit ground no fans. |
|
Brighton & Hove Albion | Lost their one cup final and dropped like a stone; deserve better. |
|
Bristol City | Tainted by predictable ritual violence against their neighbours. |
|
Bristol Rovers | Hopelessly second-best to local rivals, both on and off the pitch. |
|
Burnley | Big club, laid-low and risen again, with no billionaire benefactor. |
|
Bury | Inconsequential now, but won the cup 6-0 and 4-0 a century ago. |
no opinion |
Burton Albion | Brewers made good despite themselves, now waiting to sober up. |
 |
Cardiff City | Nurtured festering hotbed of hooligans; home of Welsh violence. |
|
Carlisle United | Supporters travel enormous distances to see their heroes stuffed. |
|
Charlton Athletic | Returned from homelessness to be a well supported model club. |
|
Chelsea | Polished turd for Tories and white-collar hooligans, buying glory. |
no opinion |
Cheltenham Town | Relative newcomers, still to establish any noteworthy reputation. |
|
Chesterfield | Unlucky to lose the 1997 cup semi-final; their one chance, gone. |
|
Colchester United | Essex side resolutely going nowhere and seemingly unperturbed. |
no opinion |
Coventry City | Flirted with failure for decades; finally grasped it with both hands. |
|
Crawley Town | Into the league thanks to stacks of money and a tainted manager. |
|
Crewe Alexandra | Tiny club with no resources always churning out top class players. |
|
Crystal Palace | Refuge for homeless clubs; where volatile Frenchmen get jumpy. |
|
Dagenham & Redbridge | Five years late in joining the league; cheated by Boston in 2002. |
|
Derby County | Seventies glory, recent highs and perilous lows, but ever hopeful. |
|
Doncaster Rovers | Restored from brief non-league lapse, mighty Donny ride again. |
|
Everton | Indisputably Scousers but somehow less so than their neighbours. |
|
Exeter City | After a five-year absence, proud to be Devon's worst league club. |
|
Fulham | Seventies rest-home for faded glitterati; re-emerged and still fun. |
|
Gillingham | Unappealing chairman and a ground that can be deadly to visit. |
|
Hartlepool United | Recent ups and downs, but historically are perennial table props. |
no opinion |
Hereford United | Blighted the cup with endless repeats of Ronnie Radford in 1972. |
|
Huddersfield Town | Consistently unsuccessful since 1926 but act like it was yesterday. |
|
Hull City | Frighteningly grim rugby territory with illiterate hate-mailing fans. |
|
Ipswich Town | Club and supporters let down by appalling boardroom characters. |
|
Leeds United | Repellent club with the most shameful hooligan fans in football. |
|
Leicester City | Nice club; no pretentions to greatness but have often come close. |
|
Leyton Orient | Capital choice for claustrophobics who like no-nonsense football. |
|
Liverpool | Scouse stereotypes relentlessly quoting Bill Shankley since 1959. |
no opinion |
Macclesfield Town | Earned football league status but have not done anything with it. |
|
Manchester City | Long-standing definitive under-achievers, now with surreal riches. |
|
Manchester United | Boringly successful giants cheered on by shameless glory-hunters. |
|
Middlesbrough | Saved from bankruptcy, millions invested but a poor return so far. |
|
Millwall | Despicable thugs and racists getting away with violence for years. |
|
Milton Keynes Dons | The original Wimbledon was killed, its fans departed, just for this. |
no opinion |
Morecombe | It's taken them long enough, but they're up at last. So now what? |
|
Newcastle United | Great Geordie players and a massive support, deserving trophies. |
|
Northampton Town | Big, quick, physical team that no-one enjoys watching or playing. |
|
Norwich City | Always play the ball to feet; unforgettable win at Bayern Munich. |
|
Nottingham Forest | More European Cups than league titles; a Brian Clough fairytale. |
|
Notts County | Oldest league club, now defined by a hatred for their local rivals. |
|
Oldham Athletic | A charmless club from a charmless town with a charmless history. |
no opinion |
Oxford United | A glimpse of the heights, but mostly languishing in the doldrums. |
|
Peterborough United | Unpredictable minnows with a proud history; lower division yo-yo. |
|
Plymouth Argyle | One cup semi-final, novelty green shirts, goals by Tommy Tynan. |
|
Port Vale | Small, endearing club that somehow beat Spurs in the 1988 cup. |
|
Portsmouth | The best support in the Premiership: noisy, loyal and passionate. |
|
Preston North End | First ever league champions in 1889, again in 1890, never since. |
|
Queens Park Rangers | Uninteresting since Roy Wegerle left; not very interesting before. |
|
Reading | Typical nouveau rich club, needed time for return on investment. |
|
Rochdale | Lowly club with lofty standards; made the 1962 league cup final. |
no opinion |
Rotherham United | Undistinguished journeymen; made the 1961 league cup final. |
|
Scunthorpe United | Staggeringly uneventful existence played out in a nice stadium. |
|
Sheffield United | Occasionally battle into the top flight; instant relegation beckons. |
|
Sheffield Wednesday | Dull, unglamorous timeservers in whichever division they occupy. |
no opinion |
Shrewsbury Town | Harmless pseudo-Welsh coracle paddlers, risen out of the depths. |
|
Southampton | Used to be one part magic, ten parts graft; now eleven parts graft. |
|
Southend United | Came close to the top division; back on the Essex mud flats now. |
no opinion |
Stevenage | Time-serving non-leaguers, knocking for years, finally allowed in. |
|
Stoke City | Leaden pall trailed by dour punchy fans; not welcome anywhere. |
|
Sunderland | Huge passionate support, always optimistic and always frustrated. |
|
Swansea City | Slightly less offensive of two Welsh city clubs playing in England. |
no opinion |
Swindon Town | Characterless ex-railway town in no way enhanced by its football. |
|
Torquay United | Sunny disposition, but doomed to languish in the lower divisions. |
 |
Tottenham Hotspur | The very epitome of elegance and culture in the beautiful game. |
|
Tranmere Rovers | Third-string Scousers; frequently give bigger clubs a bloody nose. |
no opinion |
Walsall | Black Country town too dire to contemplate; club too nondescript. |
|
Watford | An archetypal family club that went mad and blew all its money. |
no opinion |
West Bromwich Albion | Least pretentious of the big West Midlands clubs; no consolation. |
|
West Ham United | Faultless traditions on the pitch; rows of boneheads in the stands. |
|
Wigan Athletic | Found two pennies to rub together; lengthy crawl to fanless glory. |
|
Wimbledon | Beautiful proof, if ever it were needed, that truly a club is its fans. |
|
Wolverhampton Wanderers | Always seem dreary, despite bright orange shirts and a golden tit. |
|
Wycombe Wanderers | Small but perfectly formed till Renaissance man Adams arrived. |
|
Yeovil Town | Out of the amateur league at last but the sloping pitch has gone. |