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games
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phespirit.notes: gamesnotes from a phespirit perspective
Football "the working class ballet"Phespirit began following football around 1981/1982, when Spurs won successive F.A. Cup finals. Unlike other small boys at the time, his enthusiasm did not stem from a desire to emulate his heroes and kick a ball around in the fresh air but from a fascination with the elaborate betting permutations which his father used in attempting to win the pools. Thus, Phespirit became a football gambler long before he fully appreciated the rules, culture, history and artistry of the beautiful game. In time, though, - like his father before him - Phespirit swore a devotion to Tottenham Hotspur F.C. and has stayed infatuated ever since (albeit from the comfort of his armchair). A brief flirtation with Fulham F.C. between 1995 and 2001 - ending when they entered Spurs' domain of the Premiership - added a little breadth and variety to Phespirit's appreciation of the game. Further diversion comes via the protracted agony of supporting the England national team, along with Phespirit's continental bit on the side, Fiorentina of Italy. The game of football was invented by the people to be played by the people for the entertainment of the people (although, as with most traditional working class pastimes, the modern rules were first 'officially' drafted in the English universities). Generations later, the equipment of the game remains minimal and the scoring system could not be more simple. Football is recognisably football whether it is played by two kids attacking a garage door with an old tin can, or by two teams of eleven attacking regulation size goals with a regulation size ball, or by entire populations of towns attacking the opposing ends of a long street with a rough-stitched pig's bladder. Football, in all its simplicity and all its glory, is the greatest sport on Earth. Cricket "God's own sport"Cricket is the quintessential English sport. It is played within a complex microcosm detached from the rest of the known universe. It is defined by arcane laws, it speaks with its own esoteric vocabulary, it observes its own codes of morality, and it is entirely populated by eccentrics. Ample reasons for Phespirit to enjoy. As with football, England offered up the game of cricket to the rest of the world but, predictably, the ungrateful planet declined this baffling gift. Only those countries which had already been conquered or colonised by the arrogant English would accept the game, and then only at gunpoint. Subsequently, these 'test playing nations' have all proceeded to wipe the floor with the English national team to such an extent that, by the end of the nineteen hundreds, the country which had devised cricket was officially the worst in the world at playing it. The cricketing establishment within England is (and probably always will be) out of time and out of touch with the modern game, but Phespirit remains loyal to the sport itself - to his country, England, and county, Essex C.C.C. - because to be less than loyal, frankly, is ..... just not cricket. 9-Ball Pool "on the snatch"1995 was the year in which Phespirit gave up snooker as his cue sport of preference and turned instead to 9-ball pool. The key similarity between 9-ball and snooker is that Phespirit is not very good at either. However, whereas a game of snooker involving Phespirit and an equally matched opponent is a doomed to be a tortuous grind, a game of 9-ball is always short, sweet and satisfying. Sadly, as Phespirit was introduced to the game by his old college friend, Jon Gale, winning is rarely an option. In the five year hiatus since their last meeting, Jon had sneakily established himself somewhere near the top of the UK professional 9-ball rankings [typical], which means he is nigh invulnerable. But where there are fellow losers, flukes, drinks and occasional cheese toasties, there is always hope. Thus, 9-ball remains the closest thing to a sporting activity which Phespirit will countenance on any kind of regular basis. p.s. all right, so the correct expression is "on the snap" ..... but 'snatch' is rude and therefore always funny. Darts "bring me my arrows of desire"Darts is one of the great sports because: (a) anyone can play it [indeed, everybody in the U.K. has thrown a set of darts at some time in their life]; (b) most people are completely useless at it; (c) the best players are all perilously unfit; (d) it is played in pubs.
Heavily burdened with burgeoning beerguts yet heavenly blessed with the truest of aims. Phespirit has been throwing darts casually for years; never competitively, never better than an average standard. His current lifetime total of maximum 180s is a proud four. And he has remote recollections of getting all three darts in the bullseye at some time a thousand years ago. Which was good. Mario Karts 64 "Peachy!"Phespirit had no particular interest in computer game consoles prior to being introduced to this version of Mario Karts. It was a road to Damascus experience for Phespirit instantly compelling him to rush out and buy a Nintendo 64. No other computer game can come close to matching it; indeed, why bother even looking? The Mario Kart Grand Prix with multiple players is the very acme of mindless competitive gameplay. It has gorgeous courses and characters, cute little karts and a whole barrage of weaponry. It is all about racing skill and the strategic deployment of arms. Tremendous juvenile fun; not at all pathetic or sad or anything like that. Phespirit is Princess Peach Mornington Crescent "I'm sorry I haven't a clue"A game that can be at once profoundly complex and elegantly simple. The sophisticated nuances and progressive variations of its mysterious rules can only be cleary understood by Grandmasters such as Humphrey Lyttleton, Barry Cryer, Graeme Garden, Tim Brooke-Taylor and Mrs. Trellis of North Wales, along with the cognoscenti followers of the B.B.C. Radio 4 programme "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue". Phespirit stands in awe at the genius of it all. |
