banner - Hancock's Half Hour

Hancock's Half Hour - No. 28

"THE NEW NOSE"

[ Available on B.B.C. video: "The Bedsitter"; Catalogue No. BBCV4049 ]

HANCOCK'S PASSION-KILLING PHYSIOLOGY

HANCOCK:
Come on now, relax, give yourself up to this over-powering passion!
BIRD:
I can't! Everytime I look at your face I see your nose!
HANCOCK:
Well of course you can see my nose! What did you expect to see - my elbow?

HANCOCK SELECTS A NEW NOSE

HANCOCK:
That's quite a good one, that. What you might call a 'straight-up-and-a-downer'.
PLASTIC SURGEON:
Well, in the profession we call it 'Aquiline'.
HANCOCK:
'Aquiline'? That means you can use it underwater, doesn't it? Very good for spear-fishing I should think .....

HANCOCK'S NASAL DIMENSIONS

PLASTIC SURGEON:
Width of bridge, five eighths; base of nose, one and one eighth .....
HANCOCK:
Oh, do you mind if I have one and a quarter there - I like a wide fitting.