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Hancock's Half Hour - No. 44

"THE BIG NIGHT"

[ Available on B.B.C. video: "The Poison Pen Letters"; Catalogue No. BBCV4050 ]

HANCOCK ON HEALTHY DRESSING

HANCOCK:
We can't go out with damp shirts on. We'd catch pneumonia if we went out with these on our backs! We'd seize up before the band got to "Who's taking you home tonight?" ..... "Who's taking you home tonight?" - the St. John's Ambulence, mate!

HANCOCK COMPLAINS TO A LAUNDERETTE ASSISTANT

HANCOCK:
He's got more water than I have! That's not right for a start!
LAUNDERETTE CUSTOMER:
I've got more washing in there, that's why it looks like more water - it's the displacement.
HANCOCK:
We won't go into Archimedes Principle here .....

HANCOCK ON WHEN TO PULL THE BIRDS

HANCOCK:
Saturday night nearly over and not another one for seven days .....
SID JAMES:
Wait a minute, I think there's still time to find a couple of birds.
HANCOCK:
Of course there isn't, it's ten o'clock - all the spare stuff'll be fixed up by now. You mark my words, by my experience if there's anything left after ten o'clock, mate, it's rubbish!