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Hancock's Half Hour - No. 47

"FOOTBALL POOLS"

HANCOCK WAITS FOR A FOOTBALL RESULT

HANCOCK:
Two and a half hours time! I can't wait that long without knowing! I'd be a quivering mass of disintegrated nerve tissue, lying on the floor twitching away in a pile of fag-ends and finger nails!

HANCOCK ON GREEDY RELATIVES

HANCOCK:
The noise of two coins rubbing together has always been enough to set the Hancocks on the march.

HANCOCK'S SYMPATHY FOR A LONELY TUNRSTYLE OPERATIVE

TUNRSTYLE OPERATIVE:
If you prick me, do I not bleed? If you tickle me, do I not laugh? If you poison me, do I not die?
HANCOCK:
I suppose you do. I mean, I'd never really thought about it .....
SID JAMES:
Punch him in the fag-hole, see what he does then.