Hancock's Half Hour - No. 47

"FOOTBALL POOLS"

HANCOCK WAITS FOR A FOOTBALL RESULT

HANCOCK:

Two and a half hours time! I can't wait that long without knowing! I'd be a quivering mass of disintegrated nerve tissue, lying on the floor twitching away in a pile of fag-ends and finger nails!

HANCOCK ON GREEDY RELATIVES

HANCOCK:

The noise of two coins rubbing together has always been enough to set the Hancocks on the march.

HANCOCK'S SYMPATHY FOR A LONELY TUNRSTYLE OPERATIVE

TUNRSTYLE OPERATIVE:

If you prick me, do I not bleed? If you tickle me, do I not laugh? If you poison me, do I not die?

HANCOCK:

I suppose you do. I mean, I'd never really thought about it .....

SID JAMES:

Punch him in the fag-hole, see what he does then.