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Momus -
"Guitar Reprise"

[ from the album "Slender Sherbet" (1995) ]

Lyrics

The pupil is 42, a black-belt at judo
She doesn't like sexists or saucy innuendo
She caught me looking down her top one day
And jabbed me hard on the elbow
And I had to put down the guitar
And stifle a sob

She won't let me stop even for a glass of water
To think I only took this job to get a glimpse of her daughter
I keep going to the bathroom but I've never once caught her
And her mother thinks I'm incontinent
Or that I've got some kind of embarrassing cold
Of the bladder

She fingers her bible, we're practising hymns
For revivalist meetings with baptists and things
And while her voice quivers with evangelical fervour
I think about shagging her daughter
Who's a little twelve year old replica of her -
Why bother?