I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue 30th Anniversary Special -
13th April 2002 broadcast

The Venue:

The Playhouse Theatre, London, England

The Chairman:

Humphrey Lyttelton

The Players:

Barry Cryer  &  Graeme Garden
     -vs-
Tim Brooke-Taylor  &  Stephen Fry

The Commentator:

Raymond Baxter

HUMPHREY LYTTELTON:

It's now time to play the game called Mornington Crescent. (audience cheer)

But first-, first I notice from the sackloads of cards we've received from well-wishers this week that the post office Christmas delivery service isn't getting any better. And also we've received a letter from a Mrs Trellis of North Wales, (audience cheer) who sends this special message on the occasion of our 30th anniversary.

She writes:

Dear Mr Hoggard, here are some of my favourite cuttings. If you need any other amusing garden waste, please let me know. Yours sincerely, Mrs Trellis.

Now on with the game, which today sees the third leg of the second semi-final of the seventh round of the Armitage Shanks U.K. Domestic League division four, with the winners going on to the grand final and the chance to win and - drink a victory toast from - the Armitage Shanks Charity Bowl. Well, like all matches in the Armitage Shanks series, your commentator for the event will be none other than Raymond Baxter! (audience cheer and applause) So while-, while Raymond enters the commentary box I'd like you, teams, to re-familiarise yourselves with Stovold's Second Amendment to the Standard Convention 1972 which, of course, pre-dates the Jubilee Line extensions in-, in both directions. Tim, will you start, please?

TIM BROOKE-TAYLOR:

Yeah. Rotherhithe.

RAYMOND BAXTER:

A cautious opening gambit from Brooke-Taylor but of course it opens all three diagonals.

BARRY CRYER:

Birdcage Walk.

RAYMOND BAXTER:

A vigorous defence! But leaving Cryer's laterals totally unprotected!

STEPHEN FRY:

I could do the old-, the old-, the old Chelsea Bun, the baker's treat, Baker Street, Baker Street!

TIM BROOKE-TAYLOR:

Chelsea Bun, I like that.

RAYMOND BAXTER:

Baker Street! Ah, we haven't seen that move attempted since Gustav Penegaris defended his title in 1959. Ironic, really.

HUMPHREY LYTTELTON:

Go on, Graeme.

GRAEME GARDEN:

Fairlop.

RAYMOND BAXTER:

Oh, that's fast and furious stuff. Perhaps more furious than fast, I don't know.

TIM BROOKE-TAYLOR:

Erm, do you-, I could go-, erm, yes, it's the Second Amendment, yes.

STEPHEN FRY:

Yes, yes, Stovold's Second Amendment.

TIM BROOKE-TAYLOR:

Yes, OK. Elephant and Castle.

RAYMOND BAXTER:

Ah! Brooke-Taylor has cleverly invoked Kravitz' Law, but I wonder if it's going to pay off?

TIM BROOKE-TAYLOR:

I used Kravitz .....

BARRY CRYER:

Is it me? I swear I can hear somebody talking.

GRAEME GARDEN:

Go on, Baz.

BARRY CRYER:

Er, Lisson Grove.

GRAEME GARDEN:

Yeah.

RAYMOND BAXTER:

Oh, a very bold move there from Cryer. A fine Stovold with double platform loop. Spectacular!

STEPHEN FRY:

't's a bloody platform loop there, hasn't he?

TIM BROOKE-TAYLOR:

Yeah, he has.

STEPHEN FRY:

Erm, if I-, if I- ..... (whispers)

BARRY CRYER:

We're not at home to Mrs Whisper!

STEPHEN FRY:

Sorry! Sorry, sorry, sorry! Sorry, um, sorry. But as usual our doors are wide open to Mr Sanctimonious-Git, so-, er, bad etiquette, bad et-. I was playing for time. I think I can go Totteridge and Whetstone.

BARRY CRYER:

Ohhh.

RAYMOND BAXTER:

Now that is a move you don't see every day.

BARRY CRYER:

I have to say, you don't see that every day, do you?

GRAEME GARDEN:

Ongar.

RAYMOND BAXTER:

Now, in the old days of course, that would have been offside, but I-, but I don't think the Chairman's noticed.

HUMPHREY LYTTELTON:

Notice-

STEPHEN FRY:

Is he offside?

TIM BROOKE-TAYLOR:

I think he's slightly offside, yeah.

STEPHEN FRY:

He's slightly offside.

GRAEME GARDEN:

Er, old rules!

TIM BROOKE-TAYLOR:

I don't think-, old rules?

STEPHEN FRY:

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

TIM BROOKE-TAYLOR:

Well, in that case Latimer.

RAYMOND BAXTER:

Oh, I say!

GRAEME GARDEN:

Latimer?!

BARRY CRYER:

Latimer? Latimer's i-, oh, Latimer!

STEPHEN FRY:

Yes. Yes.

BARRY CRYER:

It sounds incomplete but, no, no no.

HUMPHREY LYTTELTON:

It's OK, it's OK.

BARRY CRYER:

OK, OK, OK. Burnt Oak.

RAYMOND BAXTER:

That move's played below the line, which can be risky at this stage of the game.

STEPHEN FRY:

Mornington Crescent! (audience cheer)

TIM BROOKE-TAYLOR:

Oh, brilliant! Well done.

HUMPHREY LYTTELTON:

Thank you, Raymond Baxter!

The pattern of play:

Strategic points of interest:

• Refer to Raymond Baxter's expert commentary throughout.