banner - Mornington Crescent

I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue -
24th June 2002 broadcast

The Venue:
White Rock Theatre, Hastings, England
The Chairman:
Humphrey Lyttelton
The Players:
Barry Cryer  &  Graeme Garden
     -vs-
Tim Brooke-Taylor  &  Bill Bailey
HUMPHREY LYTTELTON:

Now it's time to play the game called Mornington Crescent. (audience cheer)

But first-, first I notice from the bundle of cards stuffed in the postroom pigeonhole, that the postroom pigeon is having trouble sitting down, and that we've received a message from a Mrs Trellis of North Wales: (audience cheer)

She writes:

Dear Miss Lawley, here's a great idea: why not do a celebrity edition of Desert Island Discs?

This week-, this week we must crave your indulgence while the teams attempt to finish a long running game they've been playing over the past few days. They've been following Parker's First Principle, a late nineteenth century variation on the traditional game which has often been cited as a precursor to Monopoly, although it's hard to see why. Tim, I believe it was your go, wasn't it?

TIM BROOKE-TAYLOR:
No, I don't think it-, oh, yes it was.
BILL BAILEY:
Yes.
TIM BROOKE-TAYLOR:
Yes, it was.
BARRY CRYER:
It was.
BILL BAILEY:
You had a-, you missed a go, yeah.
TIM BROOKE-TAYLOR:
You missed a turn, yeah.
BILL BAILEY:
You missed a turn and then it's me.
TIM BROOKE-TAYLOR:
Right, yeah, all right. Erm ..... (sound of playing piece moving five places on playing board) ..... Euston Road.
BARRY CRYER:
Euston Road?
GRAEME GARDEN:
That's all right. You go straight through. Go straight through on the diagonal.
BARRY CRYER:
I go straight- ?
TIM BROOKE-TAYLOR:
I don't think they're meant to work together, are they, Humph?
BARRY CRYER:
(sound of piece moving eight places) ..... Ahh! Pall Mall.
BILL BAILEY:
Are we-, are w-, is Parker's Second Principle invoked in this one?
TIM BROOKE-TAYLOR:
Yeah, yeah.
BILL BAILEY:
OK. (sound of two knocks) Five. I'll take the iron. (sound of piece moving three places) One, two, three .....
TIM BROOKE-TAYLOR:
I think you're the top hat, aren't you?
BILL BAILEY:
Oh, sorry, yes, you're right, yes. Actually that, uh-huh, there is no top hat, I'll be the little dog but, er, I'll pretend it's a hat.
BARRY CRYER:
You'll look silly with a little dog on your head.
BILL BAILEY:
It's a-, it's-, it's an Afghan so, er, it's a coat, er, I- ..... I'm going to go Hassocks and jump to, er, one-two, er, King's Cross.
TIM BROOKE-TAYLOR:
Very good.
BILL BAILEY:
Yep.
HUMPHREY LYTTELTON:
Whose turn is it?
GRAEME GARDEN:
Mine. (sound like dice shaking together and rolling on a table) Ah! Just making myself comfy. Ah- (audience applause) Well, now I think I can go to Park Lane.
TIM BROOKE-TAYLOR:
Ohhh.
BILL BAILEY:
What?
GRAEME GARDEN:
Yes! YES! YES!!
BARRY CRYER:
Didn't I miss a go then?
GRAEME GARDEN:
No.
BARRY CRYER:
Oh.
GRAEME GARDEN:
Well, have one now.
BARRY CRYER:
I'll have one now.
GRAEME GARDEN:
Yeah.
BARRY CRYER:
Which is mine? Oh, mine's this surgical stocking; wait a minute. Ahh! Ah! Wait a minute! Seven. (sound of piece moving seven places) One, two, three, four, five, six, seven: Free Parking!
BILL BAILEY:
(sound of rolling dice) Right! Ah! Double-six. Excellent! One, three, five, seven, twelve ..... (sound of piece moving seventeen places) ..... And-, Ohh! Fenchurch Street Station.
HUMPHREY LYTTELTON:
Right-
GRAEME GARDEN:
And the Station Hotel. It's, er-, so that's two hundred and fifty pounds for the night, please, plus six pounds fifty for the late night adult movie.
TIM BROOKE-TAYLOR:
Right, hang on ..... (sound of piece moving three places) ..... Community Chest: "Go to Mornington Crescent". (audience cheer)
BARRY CRYER:
Ohhh!

The pattern of play

The Pattern of Play

Strategic points of interest

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